Death Anniversaries

In grief, our loved one's death day is often a yearly remembrance that is sad, tender, and prompts us to pause.

I wrote the following in early August of 2026 as I started to approach the one-year anniversary of my Mother's death.

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Last week, on July 30th and then again on the 31st, I became focused on the fact that it was almost August. I started to reflect on the summer of 2025. There were some pleasant memories: a family vacation to Oregon and Washington and a retreat at Ratna Ling in northern California; and some not-pleasant memories like a 6-week bout of vertigo in early summer and then Covid in late summer.

But the hardest memories and those I'm avoiding most are of my Mother and her last days on this earth. Memories of pain, suffering, and . . . prayers and peace.

I've avoided looking back in my journal to recall and relive the details of her final days but I did look at my calendar to see what I could find and was bereft to find so little. I assume that's because I was absorbed in the moment-by-moment experience of her dying. It also made me wonder: did I even journal much then? Was there time?

She died so slowly and peacefully. Really her last few years of life were a gradual decline. Each and then towards the end, each month, a little less physical ability and a little less short-term memory.

Hospice provided valuable assistance to my Mom, and all of us, especially in her final few weeks (though she was officially on hospice for 16 months – her Irish toughness always keeping her going).

I'm filled with great sadness thinking about her final days and I miss her so much. I'm comforted knowing her parents spiritually visited her often as she was dying and that her Catholic faith provided her with much inner peace.

I will honor and make space for this deep sadness that I feel. I will be gentle with myself and care for my mind, body, and spirit during this tender time of reliving her dying days.

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Death Anniversary thoughts:

• Honor and acknowledge the date in a way that is meaningful for you and the life of your loved one. This could be a religious ritual or participating in one of their favorite activities or cooking a cherished meal.

• Observe your feelings and memories as you approach the anniversary. Write, sing, sketch, and feel what you feel. Honor it all.

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Grief / Death Anniversary Journal Prompts:

→ What memories from the death day do I want to recall?

→ Which memories capture the spirit and personality of my loved one? (Maybe this is a color, or a saying, or a personality trait)

→ How will I honor my loved one, our memories, and our relationship on their death day?

→ What will comfort and fortify me on the death anniversary day? (A call with a family member who knew her? Attending a church service? A walk in nature? Lunch with a friend?)

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Use what resonates, leave the rest.

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Holding you in my heart as you grieve your loss.